The Cullens Buy A Pet
by simply-dazzling001
Summary: Post BD, possible spoilers! With Nessie growing up, it's natural that she wants a childhood pet. But how hard will it be pet-shopping for a household of bloodthirsty vampires? What adorable little creature is Edward afraid of? Read to find out!
1. Can I Get a Pet?

**Author's Note: I do not own Twilight **

3rd Person POV

"Momma? Daddy?" Renesmee asked, coming home from her shopping trip with Aunt Alice.

"Yes, Nessie?" Bella responded.

"Can I get a pet?" Renesmee's soft brown eyes full of wonder.

Bella and Edward exchanged uneasy glances. They both knew how difficult it would be to care for a pet in their home. Before either one of them could answer, the ever-so-helpful Emmett pointed out, "Now why would you want a pet anyway? You've already got a dog; Jacob." Emmett laughed heartily at his own joke.

Renesmee arched an eyebrow at her uncle, then turned to her parents with pleading eyes. Edward sighed.

"Renesmee," he began gently, "you know how hard it would be to keep a pet here. It takes a lot of work to take care of one properly, and if you get too thirsty…" Edward trailed off.

Renesmee pouted. "But you know we have enough space, money, and time to keep a pet. And I'm getting better at controlling my thirst; we go hunting every week."

But Edward just shook his head, and Renesmee tried to bargain with him.

"What if we get a pet with bad-smelling blood, so none of us would get tempted by it? And we could get one that doesn't need to be cleaned too often? Hmm? What do you say, Daddy?"

Edward began to shake his head again when Emmett playfully slapped his arm.

"Aw, come on. Let the kid have it. I promise she won't eat it."

Renesmee smiled at her uncle, grateful for the support.

"You know," Bella added, "I never had a pet when I was little. This could be really fun for all of us." She smiled and winked at her daughter.

"Please Daddy? Please?" Emmett found himself begging along with Renesmee.

"Please Eddie? Please?"

Edward shot Emmett his infamous _don't call me Eddie_ glare, receiving an eye roll from his huge brother.

"I suppose," Edward began, "we can all go to the pet store tomorrow. _But_ I have to approve of the pet, alright?"

"YAY!!" cheered Renesmee and Emmett.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"Thank you Ed-Edward."

And they ran off, eagerly discussing the future Cullen family pet.

**Hooray! Edward agrees! Any ideas on what the pet should be named? Review, please :] **


	2. No! Not THEM!

**Author's note: I do not own Twilight. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! So sorry it took so long to update! By the way, my cousin's here and helped me write this chapter! (Hi, everyone, says simply-dazzling001's cousin who prefers to be known as "Nerdy Kid From Queens" who happens to be simply-dazzling001's cousin who says hi, everyone. Did you get that?) Yes she is a nerd :) Enjoy!!**

"Ooh, this will be so much fun!!" Alice squealed, leading the way. The Cullens and Jacob were at the Port Angeles Mall, looking for an appropriate pet for them.

"Alice, dear," Jasper reminded, "remember that we are not here to shop. We're just buying a pet for Renesmee, and leaving." Edward snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"Silly Jazzy!" Alice said. "Didn't Edward tell you?"

"No…"

"She's taking you on a day-long shopping spree."

Jasper's face actually grew visibly paler than normal. "Oh my Carlisle!"

"Edward and Bella will come to drop off my Porsche, then we'll drive back home." Alice flashed Jasper such a dazzling smile that he had to agree.

"Look! There it is!" Renesmee shouted, pointing at a store with a sign that read, "Li'l Pets."

"Goody!" squealed Emmett.

Jacob and the Cullens walked into the store and saw a wide variety of dogs, lizards, fish, and cats. On their way past the dog houses on display, they passed a small, fenced-in area with baby kittens.

"Aww," said Alice. "How cute! Look over there, Ness, kittens!"

"Ooh, they're so cute! Look, Daddy! A kitten!" Renesmee leaned over the fence and picked one up.

Edward, who was scanning the store for an appropriate, non-blood-smelling pet, turned and saw the litter of kittens playing with a ball of yarn, and one soft kitten in Renesmee's arms.

"AGH!!!!!!!!! GET THOSE VILE DEMONS AWAY FROM ME!! GET AWAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?" asked Renesmee, holding out the cuddly furball to Edward. "They're only kittens. They're so soft and cute!"

"GET……..AWAY………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Edward shrieked, sprinting out of the store. Nessie gently set the kitten back down in its little play area and followed the rest of the Cullens and Jacob outside, where Edward had assumed a fetal position on a nearby bench.

A very angry young couple was on the floor, looking horrified at the young man whimpering and moaning, lying across what only half a second ago had been their own bench.

"Hey!" the girl whined. "That's OUR bench!" She looked at her boyfriend with simpering "MAKE HIM GO AWAY OR I'M DRAGGING YOU INTO THAT STEPHENIE MEYER MOVIE" eyes.

The guy nervously looked at Edward before saying, "Hey, buddy, get off please. Do you have any idea how hard it is going out with a girl obsessed with becoming a vampire?"

Normally, Edward would have said, "HAH!" But instead, he shut his eyes and continued making some of the most pathetic noises ever to escape his lips. Emmett and Jasper cackled. Bella moaned.

Unfortunately, Nessie did not seem to notice her daddy's pitiful wails. "Daddy, I want to go back in and play with more-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Edward howled, "THE ACCURSED WORD!"

"-KITTENS!"

"ARHGHAHGHHEHGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He fell backward off the bench and clung helplessly to a nearby ficus. The young man quickly stuck one fist forward and grinned at his girlfriend. "I got him off for you, honey!"

"Wimp," muttered Jacob.

"Jacob!" Bella roared. "How dare you talk to my husband that way!"

***

Meanwhile…

"Mommy, what's up with Daddy? Why doesn't he like-"

"SHHHHHHHH!" Alice and Rose said quickly. Rose looked uneasily at her husband. He was attempting to pull Edward away from the pitcher plant and back to the store.

"Eddie, it's okay," he was saying. He handed him a piece of Carlisle's I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT HUMAN! gum. To their surprise, he was actually calming down.

"Wow," Alice remarked, "he's starting to calm down!"

For one glorious moment, Edward managed to stop mumbling to himself and sit upright. Then, Jacob bellowed, "KITTENS!!"

"AGH!!!!!!!!!!!" Edward once again resumed fetal position.

"JACOB!" cried the Cullens. He snickered.

Bella sighed, and then walked over to help her husband. People were starting to stare at the very pale young man hanging on for dear life to a ficus.

"What a poor child," one old woman said in a hushed whisper. "He doesn't seem to realize where he is."

"The poor thing's afraid of cats, it seems," said an elderly man who appeared to be her husband.

"CATS!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Edward. "NOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"So...why is Daddy afraid of _them_ anyway?" Nessie asked.

Alice and Rosalie looked around nervously. The kindly couple was attempting to pat Edward's back. An irritated looking person who looked like he had better places to be was questioning him, waving a huge light in front of his face.

Emmett was still trying to break his grip from the ficus, and poor Bella was doing her best to conceal Edward's face, sparkling from the flashlight in his face, from the man while concealing her own sparkling skin. The man looked extremely annoyed and continued to try and shine the light in his face.

"Well," Alice whispered, "it all began a few decades ago…"

**A-ha! So the truth comes out. Poor Edward's afraid of cats. Review review review, please!! Thanks to my Nerdy Cousin from Queens for helping out!! :) Also, I'm planning on naming the pet "Jimmy", courtesy of luv2sing628. What do you think? Review, please!**


	3. Edward and Cats

**Author's Note: I don't own Twilight! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Glad you all like it so far! Sorry it took so long to update! And by the way, no offense to people who like cats! **

"_Well," Alice whispered, "It all began a few decades ago…"_

Nessie moved in closer to Aunt Alice while Bella was softly patting Edward's back, trying to convince him to get up and not cause a scene. Too late.

"When your dad was just fifteen," Alice began, "His parents went away on a vacation, and left him to stay with his grandmother and help her out."

"Edward agreed," Rosalie continued, "But changed his mind once he got to his grandmother's house. You see, the last time he had visited was nearly a year before, and a lot had apparently changed."

"What?" asked Nessie.

"Well, his grandmother got awfully lonely, so she went out and purchased…you know. _Them._"

"But if his grandmother only had one…_pet_, why is he so afraid now?"

"Nessie, his grandma did not just buy _one_."

"Well, how many?"

Turning to face Edward, Alice and Rosalie saw that the man with the flashlight had given up and left, leaving Edward to fend for himself on the ficus.

"Thirty-four."

"Thirty-four cats!" Nessie exclaimed, but covered her mouth quickly. Unfortunately, it was not quick enough for Edward's sharp vampire senses.

In a state of panic, Edward decided he was "LEAVING THIS WRETCHED PLACE!" and sprinted out of the mall, where no one could disturb him with their speak of "feline friends."

Rosalie sighed. "Nessie…"

"Sorry…"

"Well, anyway," Alice went on, "Yes, she did own thirty-four cats. Must've gotten extremely lonely to go out and buy thirty-four fur-shedding, clothes-tearing little balls of fluff," Alice hissed scornfully.

"You don't like cats either, Aunt Alice?"

Alice sighed. "I don't want to talk about it. Lousy Tim…$500 Italian scarf…Grrr…."

"So, what happened with Daddy and the cats?"

"Well," Rosalie continued while Alice continued muttering to herself, "Edward wasn't afraid of cats back then, but he didn't really want to take care of 34 of them. But, his parents said he had to help his granny out, so she made him-" here, Rosalie shuddered, "-clean out their litter boxes. All thirty-four."

"Ew," Nessie replied, scrunching up her nose. "Well, I can understand if Daddy wouldn't like cats after that, but why was he so afraid of them?"

"Well, Ness," Alice said, finally recovering, "It's not all fun and games to play around with animal feces. But once, when Edward was cleaning out the litter box for Miss Susie May, she came over and, well, _blank_-ed, on Edward's arm."

"EW!!" Nessie exclaimed. "Sick! I'm not getting a cat!"

"It got even worse," Rosalie continued. "Since Edward was sleeping over at Grandma's house, he always woke up with at least three fat tabbies sitting on him. They were well-trained enough not to _go_ on the bed, but they always smelled like litter box, so Edward woke up every day smelling cat litter."

"Ugh," Renesmee gagged, "No wonder. Well, I'm not getting a cat anyway, so Daddy won't have to worry. Should we go outside and get him?"

Alice grinned. "Ok, but I get to bring him in…"

***

"CAT!" Alice shouted from behind Edward.

"NOOOO!!! SO…..MANY….LITTER BOXES!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Edward ran from outside into the mall. All he wanted was to get away from Alice, and he went the opposite direction from which she came from. Alice had snuck out the other exit and came up behind Edward, scaring him into the mall. She smiled proudly.

"He's in."

**Ick….I'd probably be afraid of cats, too, after that. What did you think? Sorry for any scarring images! Review review, please! :] **


	4. Yippee! We Have a Pet!

**Author's Note: I don't own Twilight. I don't own a cat, either. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! So sorry I haven't been updating much! **

Bella, Alice, and Renesmee quickly caught up with Edward, who seemed very fond of his ficus now. Deciding that Edward was a complete emotional wreck, Bella quickly called Carlisle, who came and took Edward home, along with Jasper, who went to "calm Edward down." He really was just hoping to avoid his shopping trip with Alice.

Meanwhile, Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jacob remained to help Nessie pick out an appropriate pet for their family. Cats were a definite no, so they moved on to other sections of the store.

The puppies were cute, but their blood smell was too strong, and Esme probably wouldn't be too fond of dog fur all over their new furniture.

Not to mention the dog jokes that would be cracked every time Jacob would walk into their house, which was at least five times a day. [**Emmett**: Hey mutt, I think I've found a long-lost cousin of yours here in the store! She looks just like you! **Jacob**: What are you talking about? I don't have any distant cous- Put the dachshund down, leech. **Emmett**: Whatever you say, pup.]

They moved on to the reptiles, but they didn't spend very much time there, thanks to a very nervous-looking Jacob.

Emmett [Pulling snake out of tank]: Woah, cool, a snake!

Jacob: Put that down! [He seemed to be saying that a lot today.] 

Emmett: Why? Is the big bad wolf afraid of the little snakey?

Jacob: Get it away from me!

Renesmee: Don't worry, Jake. Uncle Em won't let him bite you.

Rosalie: Hey, did you hear about Carlisle's werewolf studies? The one about how snake venom is lethal even to werewolves?

Emmett wished Rosalie hadn't said that, or else he might have gotten to spend more time playing with the snakes. Still, he managed to give Jacob a good scare with the big iguana.

Nessie didn't really want a reptile anyway, although they all agreed that the _amphibian_ baby frogs were quite cute.

Still, they continued their search for a pet, until Emmett suddenly gasped and pointed at a colorful animal sitting in a cage.

"Hey, that looks a nice pet," Renesmee remarked. "The blood doesn't smell too strong to me, and it won't make too huge of a mess if we let it out. Can we get him?"

"I guess so," Bella replied, quickly checking the price tag. "Unless Edward has some strange fear of-"

"He's got nothing against them, I think," Alice answered.

"Yippee! We have a pet!"

**Hooray! They've decided! Guesses on what the pet is? More ideas on names? Review, review, review, please! :] **


	5. Out Hunting

**Author's Note: I don't own Twilight. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! So sorry for taking forever in updating, but hopefully this long chapter will make up for it! I promise I'll update faster come summer! Congrats to jt for correctly guessing the Cullen family pet!! And thanks again to luv2sing628 for helping with the pet name! **

Nessie happily burst through the door of the Cullen house. When she walked in, she saw Edward sitting on the sofa. He looked much better, although Renesmee now knew not to say "the accursed word" anymore.

"Hi Daddy!" Renesmee said, running to the sofa.

"Hello, Renesmee," Edward replied. He was about to apologize for his behavior when Emmett entered, carrying a metal cage with a cloth over it.

"Is that…?" Edward began to ask.

"Oh yeah."

Emmett set the cage on the coffee table and grandly announced, "Presenting, the new Cullen family pet," Emmett yanked the cloth off of the cage with a flourish and continued, "JIMMY! The myna bird!!"

"Jimmy?" asked Edward.

"JIMMY! The myna bird!" Emmett repeated.

"Squawkk! Jimmy! Squawwk!" Jimmy said.

"It talks? Cute," Edward said, but he did not sound very eager to take care of an animal that talked as Jimmy did.

"Isn't Jimmy cool, Daddy?" Renesmee asked.

"He's, uh, certainly very colorful," Edward said, gesturing to Jimmy's brown and black feathers.

"Uh, brown and black isn't colorful."

"Um, maybe he sheds? And grows better-looking feathers? Emmett, I thought you said it was colorful."

"Colorful _personality_, my dear brother. Besides, birds _molt, _not shed. Anyway, just look at him!" Emmett proceeded to whisper into Jimmy's cage. Seconds later, Jimmy squawked, "Emmett rocks! SQUAWWKKK! Emmett is awesome!"

"See?"

"Uh-huh. Hey Jimmy, Edward Cullen is intelligent."

"Edward Cullen, SQUAWK," said Jimmy, but to be honest, he didn't seem very enthusiastic.

"Good enough."

"Can we keep him in the cottage, Daddy?" Renesmee asked.

"Um, actually, Renesmee, I think it'd be better if we kept it here in the main house. That way everyone can enjoy it and we won't have to carry him and his things back and forth. Speaking of which, did Jimmy come with a manual or something?"

"Yeah, Alice and Rose are getting his stuff."

At that moment, Alice and Rosalie walked in carrying shopping bags with the words _Li'l Pets_ written on them.

"Bird food."

"Cage cleaner."

"_The Care and Keeping of a Domestic-Bred Myna Bird."_

"Water dish."

"High heels."

"Wha-?"

"Oops, those are Alice's."

"Did we forget anything?"

"Don't think so. Oh, wait, here, Edward. Your birdie pooper scooper," Rosalie said, handing a small shovel-looking object to him.

"Lovely," Edward said, taking the silver item with disgust.

"Yay! Thanks guys!" Renesmee shouted, running over and giving Rosalie, Alice, and Emmett a hug.

"Hey, where's your mother?" Edward asked, realizing that he hadn't seen Bella yet.

"We dropped her off at the hospital so she could tell Carlisle about Jimmy. She'll come home with him," Emmett answered. "We also dropped off the mutt at home for dinner."

"Hey, guys!" Jasper said, appearing at the top of the stairs. Alice ran over and gave him a quick hug. "Is that our new pet?"

"Yep! Uncle Jazz, meet Jimmy!"

"Hello, Jimmy."

"SQUAWK, Jimmy! SQUAWKK!"

"Daddy, can I let Jimmy out so he can fly around? The pet owner said that they put a tag on his leg so we could find him if he flew away."

"Um, well, I don't think Esme will-"

"Sure, Ness!" Emmett exclaimed, and before Edward could protest Renesmee had unlatched the cage door and Jimmy was flying madly around their high-ceilinged living room.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jimmy screeched.

"Shh, Jimmy! We don't want to scare Grandma!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! GRANDMA!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

As expected, Esme, who did not yet know of the animal in her house, was extremely concerned and ran down the stairs.

"What? What's wron- Is that our new pet?"

"Hi Grandma! This is Jimmy!"

"Hello, Jimmy! Um, Renesmee, could you make sure you clean up after Jimmy's feathers, and make sure he doesn't go on my carpet?"

"Sure Grandma, thanks!"

Esme stayed a few minutes to make sure that Jimmy was flying safely and did not make a mess. Soon after, she went back up to her bedroom.

"Alright, Nessie, don't you think Jimmy has had enough exercise for now?" Edward asked after about 10 minutes of watching Jimmy fly around.

"I guess so. The book says we need to let him out about three times a day, and we let him out once in the pet store. I guess we can let him fly around again after my dinner. Is that ok, Jimmy?"

"SQUAWK! OK! SQUAWK!"

"Ok, well, how do we get him down?"

The Cullens stared at each other for a moment, then at Jimmy, who seemed to be enjoying his large new home.

"Um…maybe we should just wait until he's tired," said Alice, who was quickly flipping through the myna book.

"How long will that be?" asked Edward, who really did not want this thing to be flying loose around their home.

Alice closed her eyes and concentrated hard. "I'm not sure. I don't think I can see the futures of animals too well, like Jacob, but maybe in time I'll get used to Jimmy. It does look like Jimmy has a lot of energy, so he may be flying around for another hour or so."

The Cullens looked at Alice, then at Jimmy, who was still going strong. It did seem highly likely that he would be out of his cage for the next hour.

"Well, then, we wait," Renesmee decided.

Waiting did not seem too troublesome at the moment, until the Cullens began to get thirsty. It had not been too long since they'd hunted, but they were around humans all day.

"Daddy, can I go and hunt now? I don't want to hurt Jimmy," Renesmee said, as she watched Jimmy flutter around.

"Well, I don't want you to go alone. Jasper, Alice and I will go with you, and Emmett and Rose can stay here and watch Jimmy. Do you think you'll be okay?" Edward asked Emmett and Rosalie.

"I'll be fine," Rose answered.

"I guess…"answered Emmett, who did not seem to sure that he would be able to control his thirst. "Alice?"

But Alice had already run out the door with Jasper and Renesmee.

"Oh, well. I'll try, Edward. Have fun."

***

"We're back! You guys can go hunt now, if you want. There's some pretty good deer up north," Alice said. She was followed in by Jasper. Edward and Renesmee were just a little farther away.

Rosalie said, "Thanks Alice, but, um, we have a bit of a situation here."

"Why, what's wrong?" Alice asked.

At that moment, however, Edward came in with a look of pure shock on his face, most likely from reading someone's thoughts. "EMMETT! Where is he? What on Earth did he do?"

"Well, you see-" Rosalie began nervously, but Edward had already dashed upstairs to confront Emmett. Meanwhile, Renesmee came in just then, and said hello to Rosalie.

"Where's Uncle Em?" she asked.

"Um, he's upstairs. But leave him there for now. Your dad's talking to him," Rosalie answered.

Renesmee came over and touched Alice's hand. _Where's Jimmy?_

"I don't know. Rose…? Where's Jimmy?"

"Uh, heh. Just a second. Um, well, didn't that book say that if Jimmy got too loud, it would be ok to keep him in a quieter place until he calmed down?"

"I don't know, I guess haven't read that far yet," Renesmee admitted.

"Oh, well, it does. Or maybe I got it online, I don't know. But, he's not here now, um-" but Rosalie was cut off by the noise of Edward dragging Emmett down the stairs.

"Alright Emmett, where's Jimmy?" Edward asked.

"Um, well, um, he's, um-" Emmett stuttered. But Renesmee had already caught sight of Jimmy's cage behind Rosalie. She froze, then turned on her uncle.

"YOU ATE JIMMY!!"

**Aww, Emmett! By the way, I am not a veterinarian and I know nothing about the habits of myna birds. Even so, I am fairly certain that they don't squawk, but I wanted to use that as a way of distinguishing Jimmy from other bits of dialogue. What did you think? Too predictable? Review, please! **


End file.
